says who?

2006-03-15T21:31:00.000Z

Erased Memory

Things don't always go our way. Sometimes we have to compromise, accept and learn, realizing that there are always hidden blessings in everything that happened.
Things don't always appear clearly. I learn that to judge something by being non-judgemental is always the safest and more relieving, or to avoid the guilty feeling.
Things don't always revolve around you. They never have.

Some things are better left alone.

I am getting older. And starting to realize how much things I have gone through and learn, easy way and hard way. How different my reaction would be if I am faced with a challenge today, and 5 years back. How ignorant I've become.

Ignorant might be too a strong word. Indifferent, unconcern, apathetic, nonchalant. And I maybe can rationalized why a person just grow into that once they step into adulthood. Things are just too complicated to be taken care of each of its tiny detail.

And things changed.

2006-02-14T02:02:00.000Z

She Is

4 weeks of no-coursework mornings have been heaven. But this heaven will only last for another 2 weeks. Now I went to Oxfam 2 mornings perweek, so that I wont wake up at 10am everyday *sigh* Just completed the essay for an application. It was avery long time ago since I wrote anything longer than A4 paper, except for the facts-and-dry lab reports. Life has been great.

But catching-up hasn't been anywhere near greatness. Academic that is. Will try harder next time. :)

Air terjun and sungai finally done. Sapa nak tolong kat backstage?? :D Hope it'll stay that way during the night. We did a lot of spraying, and I can't imagine how much suspended solids I've inhaled during the making of those stuff. Someone pointed out that I may decreased my life expectancy by 1 year for every session of spraying done. And we had like, 6 sessions?

Pulled out from Frank Morton's netball. Can't really take my chance if all the articles I read in the internet about Frank Morton sports will have the word 'drink' or its past tense and past participle in each of the sentences.

Had a basketball match against King's last 2 weeks. Got trashed big time. But I played for UCL anyway, so it's not Imperial that sucks :P And I scored like, 40% of the points? But it was fun though, a nice reminiscence of old days in KMYS. I missed the interhouse tourneys. :(

And I can't come for the 1st April Alumni gathering in Southampton! But I'll be in Venice with my mom anyway, which is wayy funner :D

2006-01-21T21:09:00.000Z

Livin' La Vida Loca

Spain is interesting. And I guess I can comprehend why Sin went there twice. But for me, 2 days each in Barcelona and Madrid seems like an overestimate, and made me realize that I don't like big cities. When you learn and live in London, other big cities can't surprise you anymore. At least that is what happening to me.

But I went there anyway. And one of my dear travelmate already encountered a misfortune on the first day. Thankfully it was still under control and we went on enjoying sights of the city and what it has to offer. I stuffed myself with seafood, as what I always do whenever I am travelling-try the local cuisine. 2nd day, THE misfortune befalled upon us. There goes my 25euro.

Barcelona has more tourist attraction as compared to Madrid, but Madrid is better for shopping :D MNG, Zara, and the whole Gran Via for us girls *eheh*

As for Vienna, that would be ANOTHER big city. It has a lot of great museums, in which one of them that I entered (Fine Arts Museum) was having Goya's (a famous Spanish painter) special exhibition. Which explains why I couldn't be bothered to enter any museums in Madrid.

Budapest is picturesque, friendly, cheap, cheap, cheap. (Tell that to those earning Ringgit Malaysia). Which leading me to eat eat eat.

Berchtesgaden reminds me to Tanjung Malim. A place that I don't mind living when I reach 80, old, wrinkly with no energy to travel around the world anymore. It is exactly like a fairy tale land. :)

And my favourite place so far - Salzburg :) Home of Sound of Music, it certainly has much more to offer than just Maria Von Trapp and her 7 children. Word can't explain how I love the place, and pictures just don't do justice for it. Everything was so magical.

And I can't wait for my mom to come to London this Easter. We're going to conquer Rome and Venice!! :D

Before that, there's a separation plant to be run, a report to be completed, another control project in 4 weeks time, 2 midterm paper, a Frank Morton's netball match to be played, another domestic problem to be settled, a bunch of 12-hours-in-IC session to be undergone, and a sungai and air terjun for 2006 IC MNite to be build. oh, and a lot of catching up and revision to be done. Well, that doesn't look too bad. Right?

2005-12-27T15:58:00.000Z

Dancing Queen

Salzburg cantik. Berchtesgaden cantik. Budapest cantik. Vienna pun cantik.

Just got back from Budapest this morning, and intended to sleep for at least 10 hours. Unfortunately, I woke up after 2 hours, and started to unpack and clean the toilet (?). Seriously disturbed.

My winter Europe trip this time was with Wan Mae, Ah Beng, Chin Lik, Wilson, Winn Hui and Min Hui. Will upload the photos soon but they will not do justice to these beautiful places. Anyway at least I am done with Austria, Hungary and Germany (kind of :P)

2005-12-17T12:01:00.000Z

Stellar

Done with reactor design. Harap tak melotup.

The day always seems to be more beautiful on the day I submit any reports. And it was indeed yesterday.

But then this strangest feeling came. I miss the college. The feeling of thrill and rushing to complete the work. The drive to wake me up every morning, and taking the bus to college when everyone else is still sleeping, and reach back home only when the department has almost been deserted. Eating lunch in computer lab. Praying in that small room behind the lecture theatre, coz I don't have the time to walk to the prayer room. Staring at the Maple until my eyes became watery.

"hey ufah, in 40 mins time it'll be 12 hours of you being in this computer lab.."

And surprisingly, it doesn't seem to sound so bad to me. I think I am seriously turning into something else.

I miss the college, and the holiday had not even started yet. And someone mentioned that I might need psychological help. Or probably what I need is a life. Or probably this is the life that I want.

Seriously, I might be turning into something else.

2005-11-25T16:20:00.000Z

Don't Bother

Next time be even more stupider.

Sape suruh pandai2 tutup emailbox org?

Kill me after our next project is done ok.

2005-11-22T20:58:00.000Z

Spiderman

A1 : We're done right? Can we print this stuff straight away? I don't want to see you again tomorrow.....
A2 : What? I've been looking for excuses to see you but you tell me you don't want to see me again...
A1 : ....

aih buat comel la pulak dia ni....

2005-11-16T21:06:00.000Z

She Said

There is this one Iranian lady who is always there whenever I am at Oxfam doing my volunteering work. She is so fussy, and it always happens that I will get into trouble every week, concerning every little thing that me or my other volunteering partner did. The latest incident was when I accepted a donation of books from a gentleman who just cleared up his parents' apartment, and out of the sudden she asked the guy to take back all the books and brought them next week. Since the guy had already carry all the books all the way there, me and my collegue insisted that we will accept the donation. And yes, we got scolded for it. I was like whaddahell? She keep on warning us that we will be in hot water once a senior volunteer get to know about this tomorrow. Hello, I don't even know who this lady is in the organization, and she kept on ordering us to do this and that, complaining and criticizing everything we did. Sometimes even the customers gave us a pity look, a look which says "yeah I understand what you're going through". In my opinion, Oxfam which operates based on charity and donations from people, shouldn't be that choosy, in a way how beggars can't be chooser.

Other than that, I really enjoy my work in Oxfam. The opportunities to learn and meet new people are numerous. And we're having an Oxfam dinner in 2 weeks time in an Italian restaurant near South Ken, where I supposed was the place where Princess Diana used to hang out often, because they have their stairs written 'Princess Diana Local Pizzeria' engraved on them. Pretty cool, and I don't have to pay even a quid for it :D

2005-10-26T19:39:00.000+01:00

Bohemian Rhapsody

One day, when the sun shines brilliantly and the temperature is just right... :P

A Greek: You know what, as a matter of fact, I really don't like ******.. they have nothing better to do but ********...
An Italian: yeahh.. even the Italians don't ***** that much, and we can buy ****** anytime as long as we can still stand and ask for it...
A Malaysian: There were articles in The Guardian saying that they are going to lengthen the opening period of ***.. It will definitely get worst..
A Greek: They all come to Greece and ruin everything. That's why the Greeks are like Malaysians, we hang out and chill but we don't do that..

racist siot.. :P

2005-10-10T23:44:00.000+01:00

Silver Lining 2

As depressed as I thought I was, things started to lighten up a bit when I started to study my laboratory stuff (Calorimeter manuals and a very long sheet of GLC printout je padahal pon). I remembered my new labpartner that (for the first time ever) I am pretty pleased with (as if I'm that perfect la kan). They say there's no second chance to a first impression, but hey, everybody deserve a second chance. This time, I'm glad I didn't put my hopes up too high.

There goes my 2nd entry for the day. heh.

2005-10-10T23:17:00.000+01:00

Perfectly Numb

It certainly can't go any easier than this. This is how life works, but why do it kept on filling my head in times I needed my concentration the most? When everything else flows ever as smoothly, there has to be some rocks lying on the way, spicing up the journey. Eventhough it doesn't seem that spicy, but it bothers me. Why can't I get at least a decent week to enjoy and burden myself with present work, rather than something that might not happen yet?

"You can say anything, but at the end of the day it's the contract that counts." I'll have to agree with that.

2005-10-08T22:41:00.000+01:00

Silver Lining

Eventhough I am already in London but my sleeping pattern is still very much as if I'm in KT. Woke up at 10 again, and ended up going to the market at 12 when the initial plan is to go at 9. ehek. As if.

Have been worrying about my lab session next week because my theme will be on Thermodynamics, and I can't seem to remember much of my Thermo last year. enjin lambat panas. Been promising myself to revise some of last year's subjects but always ending up watching my latest Korean drama downloads. ishk. In serious need of a booster on determination.

Determination to survive 9-5 everyday starting next week.

2005-10-06T13:17:00.000+01:00

Destiny

phew! Finally, I am able to sit down quietly with my laptop, having more or less nothing major to worry about since I arrived in London a week ago. The house is great, internet line finally kick in, bills etc have been sorted out. The whole 3 months was a total silence, nothing much to record anyway. I did not do anything, not even work or at least flip my old notes. Became the bibik of the house, and made me realize what a superwomen my ibu and nenek and aunties are when they can juggle everything from cooking and cleaning and raising kids, and being a career woman on top of that. I was just an unemployed, a reluctant-but-paid-to-study student and still have the nerve to express exhaustion at the end of the day.

Next week my life will be all about labs, lectures and tutorials. The meeting yesterday with my personal tutor, Prof. Chadwick suggested that 2nd year is not the year I would want to 'take some time off'. It is claimed to be 'the worst year ever' and guess what, it's the year that I have to really perform to sustain my grades! Now that'll required a 'excellent time management' and if I worked hard last year, it has to be 'harder this year'. Now who is to be blamed if we are not having as many Msian jrs as compared to last year?

Anyway, when he asked me about what I am going to do during my social/spare time, I was unbelievably stunned by the question, and paused for a while.

"Oh, so, no socializing for this year? OK then."

haha, please improve your response time so that you won't look like the biggest nerd in IC.

Back to that topic, my next volunteering project will be with Oxfam, and still waiting for the answer from them. If everything goes well, I'll be at the Gloucester Rd's Oxfam shop every Wednesday evening and learn the 'secrets of the retail business' as what they claim.

Happy fasting everyone. :)

2005-06-23T23:35:00.000+01:00

Balik Kampung

Tagged by Aisha.. like million light years ago haha

Total volume of music files on my computer:
1.5+ gig.. lah tak banyak pon.

Last CD I bought:
Jet (Get Born). That was a long time ago.

Song playing right now: Wednesday's Child by Emiliana Torrini

Five songs I listen to a lot, or that mean a lot to me:

1) Wednesday's Child, Emiliana Torrini.
One of the reason why I started blogging. Quite influential huh?

2) Dancin' a Catchy Rhythm, Jay Smith & Vasile Sirli
Haha need I say more?

3) Mungkin Nanti, Peterpan
Got pretty addicted to this one, dunno why.

3) The Reason, Hoobastank (popular song I see)
The first song I learn to play ;)

4) Creep, Radiohead
The best song ever. Seriously. And also among songs that I know how to play ;)

5) Look What You've Done, Jet
The title says it all. Look what you have done. *sigh*

Five people to whom I'm passing the baton:
1. nisa
2. nieze
3. sid
4. azizul
5. dayana

Aaaanyway, been busy with house-hunting, packing, souvenirs shopping, seems like I'm even busier compared to exam period. And newsflash, I've got a place to stay next year! It's at the end of High St Ken, after Kensington Olympia. I am soo in love with the house, and we didn't even care that the price was not even within our budget range (*Alert alert, no more unneccesary shopping next term. No more unneccesary eBaying. huhu). And the main thing was that the contract will start on October, when I return back to London. In which I don't have to pay for the rent over summer. So now I can go back home with peace without worrying the probability of me having to crash into someone else's place before finding a house. And then packing process started. I can't believe I have so many stuff! Tomorrow is the day to send off the boxes to a senior's place in Stanhope Gdns, and I need to reassure myself everytime that I can carry all the stuff into his house. Ufah kan strong.. :)

Can't wait to go back home. Getting together with my family, friends, basketball court (eeeeeee bestnye), getting my digicam back! And probably college alumni in August. Or continue my class. Or work? Become bibik of the house? And since I managed to get hold of a bathroom scale from a friend to weight my luggage, I realized I've lost weight! haha but wait till I reassure the fact with MY bathroom scale back home.

Nothing beats my home. :)

2005-06-16T02:03:00.000+01:00

Wednesday's Child

It has been superlong since I last updated. Whoever visiting (if there are any :P) might thought the blog has been closed down. Well the news is, it is still up and running, and I've finished my exams! phew, there goes my first year.

How did the exams been treating me? Besides having an unfortunate incident where a women was doing a soprano or whatever it was (you know, the high pitch 'opera-screaming' while we're having the Transfer Process paper, everything else was pretty much, umh, acceptable. Back to the women, that send shivers all through me! If anyone needs to know, the Royal College of Music is beside Imperial College, and probably exactly beside my department.

Anyway since I have nothing much to do beside searching for a place next year, I started my first job as a volunteer! Have been planning to do volunteering forever, but keep having doubt whether I will have the time to do it or not. Well, actually I was just being coward. Been in the comfort zone for too long. So next week I'll be the event steward for Exhibition Road Music Day, and a Colon Cancer Research summer party. Don't be surprised if you see me handing out flyers along the road somewhere ;)

2005-05-22T03:26:00.000+01:00

Swing Swing

I like to read books starting from the back. Same applies to studying my notes. I will start from the last page of the last topic up till the first one. Story books? I am forcing myself to start from the 1st page, or else I will flip tru because I need to know as soon as possible who’s the bad guy :P I just realized this lately when I have to do revision on my notes. So it'll be like, studying Rankine cycle or turbo compressor first, then only study the First Law? ngeh ngeh. That explains everything if I answer the exam questions dg tunggang terbaliknye.

haa, exam. Mastery paper in particular. Surprisingly, I passed! yea! yea! I can proceed to 2nd year now. I did pretty badly in Fluid Mechanics, and yes my FM lecturer was the one giving me my Mastery feedback. huhu.

And the real exams will start on the 1st June, Maths. And I did something amazingly new last night. I made a study timetable for myself! That should be extraordinary, even having 10 subjects during SPM I still managed to somehow study without any proper plan (bajet hebat kut). But now with 7 rather heavy subjects to revise, I would say I have to make a paradigm shift (haha) and start a proper planning, fail to plan, plan to fail :P So from now until 14th of June, my dearest friends that will haunt me day and night will be Mathematics, Thermodynamics, Process Analysis, Heat & Mass Transfer, Chemistry, Biochemistry and Properties of Matter.

There goes one entry merepek about exams and study. Probably I've had enough of spectroscopy for today.

2005-05-16T22:57:00.000+01:00

Semua Tentang Kita

Gulped down 2 mugs of coffee already. Hell is really around the corner and I still don't feel confident enough with my Thermodynamics answer. Maths? I wish I took Further Mathematics during A Level (*hint hint to juniors*). Fluid Mechanics? hoii diagram salah lagi, ape niiiii. adoi.

Just now PETRONAS officers went to visit Aimi's place and I was there sebok2 to teman her. They are doing a study on our present allowance, hopefully there'll be a change for the next academic year. Purposely sepah2kan her table with our Maths notes and papers. Moga2 sejuk hati those officers :P And while at her place, a junior in KMYS MSNed her, asking what did she get for her A2 paper 4. Seemed that they just finish that paper and probably she was dead worried about it. C'mon la guys, I am sure all of you did very well. I nearly cried after my Options paper, and even got a mushroom soup therapy from Aimi. And I ended up getting an A for that paper. I was just extremely lucky.

Last Saturday I went to Alton Towers! yes yes it was the 'perfect' time to go to a theme park, like, 2 weeks before exams. hehe. Went on 7 rides, which includes all of their higlights. Oblivion, phew. My heart just stopped during that split second. Other adrenaline-booster rides include Air and Nemesis. Bought an Air pink big mug, very kawaii :P Perfect for my coffee.

Ok, back to work. All the best to all. Pray for everyone's success :)

2005-05-08T20:19:00.000+01:00

Mungkin Nanti

When I was just catching up with the game (2-1) with Aiman, suddenly Deno came in and said, "Enjoy it while you can. We just had a meeting just now. They're going to turn this room into study room."

"huh? when?"
"dunno. Soon."

Well 'soon' can't be that bad. It might be next week. It might be tomorrow.

It can't be, like, 10 minutes later ?

Aiman went up to see his cooking for the day, while I stayed in the room, brushing up my skill *ahem*. And then it came.

Err, actually it was a she. And a he. And another he. And another. With Deno as well. "Sorry we're closing the pool table and turning it into a study table."

That's the end man. It's the end of my joy in Willis Jackson House. tsk.

2005-05-02T23:44:00.000+01:00

Mimpi Yang Sempurna

First day of school already proved a lot of things. 5 weeks ago, when I kept on cursing all the projects and reports and also 'people' involved with it. 5 weeks ago, when MNite had been such a fever. When I myself had fever. When everything seemed so ruined, future seemed so bleak.

Everything got paid off on the first day of school. The project mark. Em, I mean the individual mark *phew*. I can never ask for more. The long lab report. I thought Prof. Luckham might be a bit dreamy while checking my report, or he just likes my reaction mechanism too much. A friend even said, 'balik bilik pegi sujud syukur ye..' :)

Sometimes I think I have been extremely lucky. :)

Spring is in the air! I am totally in love with the weather now! It felt like in Malaysia, warm and sunny all day long (probably an underestimate but nevermind). Really looking forward to go home, but now it is all about exam. huhu. 9 papers with 2 papers this Thursday and Friday. Mastery *tacuutt*. And I need serious miracle for Mathematics. Seriously.

2005-04-24T00:54:00.000+01:00

I Just Can't Wait To Be King

saya cakap, "Azila saya laparrrrrrrrrr"

Azila cakap "Ufah exam lagi 11 hari.."

saya pon jerit aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

2005-04-17T18:15:00.000+01:00

Dancin'(A Catchy Rhythm)

Suddenly I missed Disneyland Paris. The Parade especially. When we shouted the names of the characters without any embarassment. I didn't really care what the others around me think of me. I felt just like other kids there, more kiddish perhaps and it really brought back a lot of good memories.

That's why out of the sudden, eventhough I havent finished my Heat & Mass Transfer Mastery papers, I went surfing to look for the Disney Parade song and luckily found it! Azizul even called me from Birmingham just to shout "eeeeiii sonoknye jumpe lagu nii i nak letak jd lagu blog i laaaaa hahaha" *grin*. And Alifah said "haha bebudak jugak kau ni" and I replied, I just got time warped. Trapped in a 20 year old body with a 25 year old mind but with a 5 year old heart. *smile*

2005-04-12T15:27:00.000+01:00

Think Of Me

lawak supermarket at Moulin Rouge. How could I ever forget that? *sigh*

2005-04-10T09:16:00.000+01:00

Its A Small World Afterall II

OK, Paris. opps, before that, I went to Siti's Concert in Royal Albert Hall! haha wanna know how on earth did I get the ticket? yes yes everyone knows that it was a free ticket, but the story behind it was pretty interesting :P The day before, me with the other IC people went to Malaysian Hall for a RTM video making (dunno how to put it), in which I was told to berlakon together with Jin Rong, Logan and another guy to konon2 having problems and consulted the warden in MSD, Pak Ya. I was extremely cuak, but it was pretty funny though. Acted a bit, and get the free ticket. The seat area I was in were mostly occupied by those free-ticketers :P

OK, the real Paris. It was surprisingly cold! I guess I am a cold bearer, everywhere I went to was cold eventhough those who came before me claimed that it was warm. hmm. Spent 2 days in Disneyland, and it was the best time ever! Too bad Space Mountain was closed. But that left me feeling a bit relieved, because I really think that I will chicken out if they all wanted to go on that ride. Oh, this trip was with Aisha the merah girl, Alifah the high-sbb-Coke girl, Husna the gozz-updater girl, Kak Chik, Wani the graduating student, Azizul the Brother Bear, Pojoe the poser guy, Aiman the comel guy, and Sid the kene-pangkah-guy.

Got loads of pix with the Disney characters (Aladdin cute :P), watched the parade (Belle and Cinderella was enchantingly beautiful!! with Princess Jasmine and Ariel being a major dissapointment hmm) And we met Mirin and Mas as well while waiting for the pakcik guard to halau us since we were waiting for it to get dark before taking photos of the Disneyland castle. The 2nd day in Disneyland was spent in the Disney Studio, and I just love the Rock and Rollin' ride (I think it was sponsored by Aerosmith). This penakut-senangcarsick-girl went on that twice ok :) Other places that we went to were Musee Du Louvre, Eiffle Tower (cold day, ergh), Champs Elyssee, La Defense, Notre Dame, Moulin Rouge, Sacre Coeur.. wow that's it lah! :P Photos collection, phew. I am yet to receive our trip photos from Pojoe, so it'll be quite some time before I updated my fotopage :)

2005-04-09T20:27:00.000+01:00

It's A Small World Afterall

phew now I am back in my room! Easter have been very umm, stimulating. I thought I'll just faint and slept through all day, but woke up surprisingly early and now, updating this blog haha. One thing at a time ok.

Scotland (Glasgow, Dundee, St. Andrews, Edinburgh, Oban) - From Niz's place in Glasgow me and Aimi took a bus to Dundee to stay with Aimi's cousin. Her place was just like 20 mins walk from the city centre, and Dundee is such a small town! Mirin was kind enough to show us around, especially Dundee Uni, and I met Wei Chen, my classmate back in SS! Glad to hear from Mirin that Wei Chen's doing extremely well in his course, being one of the best medicine student in their batch. Way to Go Sulaimanians :D

From Dundee Aimi's cousin drove us to St. Andrews and we ate the famous ice-cream (I didn't know that that ice-cream is famous, and I forgot the name :P). Visited the castle, and fell in love with the city immediately.

Edinburgh. Wet, raining, cold. It was raining all throughout our stay, but that didn't deter us from visiting Edinburgh Castle and Camera Obscura. Faizi came to visit us the night before we left and we had an exciting conversation about Siti, chickenpox and nail models.

oh, Siti's concert! That will have to fit later. :)

We went back to Glasgow for our last-minute-planned roadtrip to Oban! While in Glasgow suddenly everyone (everyone=Niz, Nun, Aida, Aimi) got hyper and wanted to have a roadtrip. Everyone surfed the internet trying to look for car rental companies that will accept 21's to drive the car, with only Aimi being a 21, while the rest are still 20's :P They were surfing and making phonecalls, while I was half asleep in Niz's kitchen watching John Woo's Once A Thief. Honestly I thought the trip couldn't be made possible, plus I wasn't feeling well and slightly worried too. But the girls made it possible, with me being sort of the child of the group (so sorry!!), as I puked, got carsicked and always refused to go make inquiries (I am intimidated with Scottish accent!) The end result - it was a blast. :)

The next day Aimi and I took a flight from Glasgow back to London Stanstead. It feels really good to be back in my room.

2005-03-24T21:12:00.000Z

Tari Gembira

Aulfah Azman reporting from Dundee, Scotland!!
Now in my 10 days trip in Scotland. Started with Glasgow, crashing into Niz's room together with Aimi, Nun and Aida. We cooked, we baked, we shopped (yeaah)!! I felt so relieved after all the things happened just a week before.

A week before. THE week. Good news first, or bad news first? Well since the good one happened first we'll start with that one. Imperial College Malaysian Night!! 3 months of hard work finally paid off. The show went so well, with exception of a few glitches in the sound systems (ergh), I remembered my steps, but I missed the dikir barat! Almost cried at the back stage, but nothing can be done. tsk. I was terribly sick 2 days before the actual night, and lost my voice. I guess that's why I was meant to miss the dikir barat scene. And my fever continued for the whole week later.

The post M-Night days. Projects!! The pressure to complete the project, and on top of that, I was sick. The temperature doesn't seem to come down, and my tonsil was swelling until I can't even swallow my own spit. I surrendered and went to see the doctor and was so relieved that she confirmed that it wasn't tonsilitis. Adviced me to take soluble aspirin. Didn't know that I am allergic to aspirin, had my eyes swelled until I looked like Mashimaro the next morning. Actually, a bit cuter than Mashimaro :P And oh, project. Eventhough everything was submitted, the projects were more or less 'taik', and I can't bear myself thinking of whatever marks I'll get for them.

And Scotland! Opps can't really write anything right now, will continue later. So far, have been to Glasgow, Dundee, St. Andrews. Will be going to Edinburgh and Oban (whereever that is) later. And can't wait for the Paris trip! So much to say but really have to stop. -to be continued!-

2005-03-04T18:46:00.000Z

Toxic

There were not 8 equations and 8 unknowns, there were 13! And I solved it! yeaaa. Moving on, having 7 equations with 7 unknowns, but they can't seem to be compiled. ergh. How is that?

2005-02-27T14:49:00.000Z

Quietly Camomile

I am going to be so dead. 3 weeks left until Easter break, and on the last day of term, everything will be due. The big hopeless formaldehyde project, spectroscopy project, lab oral presentation (which 'luckily' I got the hardest experiment among all), lab long report, 1 Mastery paper.

In two weeks time, IC Malaysian Night. And we have been practising like hell. Been super busy, I can't even find the time to go to the bank to set up the oh-so-convinient internet banking! Been bugging Aiman for some time already to transfer money for the Europe trip. And I have to reluctantly cancel the shopping trip me and my roomie excitedly planned earlier this week, because of the rehearsal which will start relatively early for a Sunday morning! aaaa. Not that I am complaining, but it happens that everything is pressing me all at the same time.

Hopeless hopeless. I am so not sure how I will go through this last 3 weeks. And oh, camomile. :) It is so enlightening to see something that you will never thought will ever occur. Oh man, at least that will be one thing I will be looking forward to in my 2nd last week of the term ;)

The formaldehyde project is not getting better. I will be babling about this forever I guess, sorry bloggie. But it will someday get on my nerves, and I really hope it won't burst out at the wrong place at the wrong time. With all these 8 equations and 8 unknowns to be solved (and I am supposed to use Maple which will be equally time consuming for me since I am not that good at that), which is one of the simpler part of the project, I really don't know how I can go through the other part of the less simpler question.

The Spring test result turned out better that I expected. But then, really have to work extra hard so that I will be eligible for what he wants to offer. I believe everything that happened, happens for a reason. Should look at the brighter side of it. C'mon ufah, you know you can. Someone does :)

2005-02-18T02:39:00.000Z

Buat Ku Tersenyum

It's 240am and I just finished my pilot plant report! Never, ever, in my life, I sat in front of the computer doing something productive since afternoon until now. Guess I work better under pressure. But the productive day is counter-productive since I skipped 2 lectures this morning :P Who wakes up at 7am to go to lectures when you slept at 530am that same morning? If I don't continue sleeping in my comfy bed, I'll be doing that in the lecture hall anyway. I have my duvet in my room, so can I really choose? :P

2005-02-16T18:43:00.000Z

The Man Who Sold The World

Thinking that you should hand in that 7 pages pilot plant report next Monday?

Think again.

Chuan : eyh ufah, you know rite.. Dr Immanuel told us to submit the report this friday..
me : ...............................

*sigh*

2005-02-13T23:01:00.000Z

Guilty

I feel so guilty. The blog needs an update. But I am ever so pemalas and pressed down with ever so many things to do. Been taking a lot of stuff too easily couple of weeks back, which resulted in some very unpleasant situations. Learnt quite a number of valuable lessons.

Got pilot plant running tomorrow. And still digesting the flow chart diagram and procedures to avoid me from exploding the plant tomorrow. We 1st years always have this image of a menace who always cause the lab to burn or computer to crash. If there's any fire alarm, most of the time we'll get this silly statement, " haa ni sure korang punye keje.. :P"

Happy new year to all. One of my earliest resolution - to be more senyap. And my roommate laughed hysterically when I say that. Geez, am I that loud?

And now there are 2 juniors staying with me for a week since they're having their interviews here. Felt good to see familiar faces and get updates about my beloved college. And oh, d@mn you! I was flabbergasted and shrieked in front of the monitor! You really got me :P

Report writing coming soon, endless labs coming soon. A 6-people-project-supposedly-done-by-4-with-ONLY-2-effective-members project which seems to see no hope and ever darker journey to go through. And a tutorial mate who plans to return my notes probably in the next lifetime? (If I can't kill you I'll make you suffer you wish you're never being born.)

And Malaysian Night! And London Games! So many things coming up, and can't wait for Easter holiday as well. For this time being, work hard, play hard la eh? *sigh*

2005-02-03T20:47:00.000Z

Till Then

Long time no news. Been having quite a number of dues to meet. Just finished my 1st paper for Spring Test. 1st paper, 1 paper, with Heat Mass Transfer, Chemistry and Mathematics questions in it. phew. For me it didn't go very well. I answered as if I'd been studying nothing before. So corrupted. Destroyed. *poof*

Indulging myself with a chocolate cake bought on my way back to hall. And cooked mee bandung. Eat eat eat. If my friends can't recognize me during the KYUEM Alumni Dinner, you guys should know why. *sigh*

Another thing that made me feel better.

Student: Will Biochemistry be included in our Spring Test?
Dr Mantalaris: I don't know. Even if it is, your spring test will only count for like, 4.5% towards your coursework mark? Which counts for I-don't-know-how-many for your first year exams, which counts for I-don't-know-how-many towards your first year overall marks. When put into perspective, it means nothing.

haha.

Lately my entries are more into grieving and grunting and everything about not enjoying my academic life here. Pleaseeee.. I want to enjoy my academic life! (yay that's the spirit) But only after my 2nd Spring Test paper, which probably more horror than today's - Thermodynamics, Fluid Mechanics, Process Analysis, Properties of Matter. Please please, I want to go play netball. I want to go jalan-jalan. I want to do my studying with peace. Not because tomorrow's exams.

Anyway yesterday, there was a poster sale at IC's JCR, everything half price! Got myself 2 huge Muse posters and Emily The Strange for my sister. Now I have to devise a way to bring the poster back to Malaysia. suggestions?

Now back to Properties of Matter. I do not want to integrate the wrong function for Schrodinger's equation like how I integrated Fourier's Law. huhu.

2005-01-24T14:47:00.000Z

Times Like These

You Are 25 Years Old

25

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

2005-01-23T13:41:00.000Z

Boulevard of Broken Dreams

yea yea updated updated!

2005-01-20T01:29:00.000Z

Confessions (Part I)

Can someone have so little faith in herself, whilst people around her believed in her beyond doubt? Can someone be so transparent to others, yet so unclear when she tries to look into herself?

Is it possible to make up reasons for something, and eventually make into believing that that are the REAL reasons for you to pursue it? But somehow, finally realized, that that is not what you REALLY want, definitely that is not you thought you want and the reasons made up doesn't seem to matter anymore. And another thing, how are these reasoning stuff come up actually? Inspirational? Born with it? Good English vocabulary?

He said, probably you think you want to do it, but when you do it, you wish you are not doing it.

He had done it, but here he is.

He offered me something I can't resist. Just what I want. Nothing fishy.

End of part I.

2005-01-17T01:26:00.000Z

My Happy Ending

"Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy."

2005-01-15T16:24:00.000Z

Air I Breathe

Got my D500! yeaaaaaaaaaa

2005-01-09T22:26:00.000Z

After All These Years

Welcome 2005.

After my previous entry of stuff I missed the most since I arrived in London, seems like other dear friends seems to start missing theirs as well. While surfing one of my favourite fotopages, I realized now I really, really missed my digicam.

Fujifilm FinePix F402.

Suddenly it occurs to me somehow I failed to record my descriptive, unforgettable moments during my first year in IC. Most of the pics in my fotopages are courtesy of fellow friends. How sad. I used to be their supplier of pics. How a mere candid picture can actually refresh my memory back to that instant moment of joy. I can smell the mirthful air, hear the shriek of happiness and it is just like I returned to past and go through that event again. And laugh lightheartedly by just browsing through those old pics. And it matters who took the pics, as the feeling I have while taking the pics determines how I'll feel when the pics are revisited later.

And the last part of 2004 left uncaptured. So how did 2004 treated me?
Well I got the best birthday present ever.
I got rejected by an institution, but grateful for now I know there's a reason for that.
I was blessed with unique, pleasant, supportive tutorialmates, and tutor.
I got the chance to learned skills that I never had the guts to venture into before.
I realized I did worked hard, and played even harder (shouldn't it be the other way around? *sigh*). I just love playing.
And lots lots more. A very dramatic year probably.

And 2005. So far, I can cook way better and more ahem, efficient than ever before.

2005-01-05T23:12:00.000Z

Too Much Of Not Enough

Birmingham ;
BullRing=shopping shopping shopping.
Cadbury World.
Aston Villa.
Birmingham Uni!

A gazillion thanks to Azizul, KD, Arep, Reza, Sal, Nisa, Sitai :) Jasamu dikenang ^^

2004-12-28T02:16:00.000Z

Funkytown

Suddenly it pours like cats and dogs outside. Brrr.

Going to Birmingham tomorrow morning! :D

2004-12-27T00:50:00.000Z

Left Outside Alone

Today's result
A. A vs A. MZ ; 1-3 (point kesian)

Yesterday's result
England (A. A, WM. L, HB. K) vs France (Z. Z, A. ) ; 2-3

Conclusion - try again :P

Everyone's starting to desert London again. My roomie's left for Exeter, Wan Mae and Ah Beng left for a friend's place near LSE leaving me stuffed with homemade cheesecake and chocolate cake *yum*. Pn Raha should be very proud. Boxing day? Not exactly what I was expecting, but again probably I was expecting too much. And suddenly I felt very sentimental when I think of how alone I am now. And now I know loneliness can be very dejecting, eventhough just experiencing it for probably 2 nights, max.

Probably I am too pampered. *sigh*

2004-12-25T18:48:00.000Z

She Said

Too many fun things happened lately, but I missed lots of entries. So going to crammed almost everything in one :)

Pool. Ada apa dengan pool. Addictive, or it's just me who gets easily engrossed in one new activity and wants to do it over and over again until I get dead bored with it. Cool game, lots of physics application :P And definitely how to deal with pressure when everyone's eyes on you while making a shot. But the best part probably because it's holiday season, and almost everyone come down to London and stayed at Willis Jackson. So I practically get to play with different players everynight. Azizul, Aiman, Jill the slicer, Akmal, Pojoe, Ah Beng, Wan Mae, Zayd, Aizuddin. Lepaking with them without having to worry about my tutorials or projects is really relaxing. And getting updates on friends and friends' friends. And reminiscing on resplendent old days.

Resplendent old days. Former classmates in SS came down from France and Cambridge to London for holidays. Since on the 25th, all London transportation is down, so we had a very high ambition to use bus no 11 (i.e. our pair of legs) to tour around London. I was very skeptical, the temperature was around 5 to 6 degrees with wind blowing mercilessly. Guess what, we reached Buckingham Palace, Big Ben, Trafalgar Square! I was amazed by myself (:P) But the way back home was a blurry one. Since the guys have to walk all the way back to Camden Town (zone 2!), I had to be very diplomatic so that they won't leave me off alone at Trafalgar Square :P So we walked back until Knightsbridge and almost reaching South Kensington, where we splited off and continue our own way.

Rewinding back on my Manchester and Liverpool trip. Manchester, not as cold as I thought it would be, not as cheap (for clothes!) as I thought it would be (but food was definitely way cheaper, I am so not economizing enough in London). Liverpool, too bad it's only a cold swiftly short trip, so we only toured around the city. But I have to say, friends in Manchester and Liverpool, you guys will always get 2 thumbs up for your hospitality. I can never do that :P And budget-wise, well sufficient to say I stick to my budget, and intends to keep it that way for tomorrow.

Tomorrow. Boxing day. Have someone who said he'll go to Oxford St as early as 5 am. Kiasu. hehe. First experience of boxing day in England, hope to get good stuff tomorrow. And I'll always have Birmingham later for my boxing day shopping as well, so no worries. :)

And my feet still ache from the productive service of bus no 11 all day. Got to get some rest. Energy preserved for tomorrow. Merry Christmas everyone :)

2004-12-23T01:56:00.000Z

Your Dominant Intelligence is Bodily-Kinesthetic Intelligence

You are naturally athletic and coordinated, good at making your mind and body work together. Sports are fun and easy for you, especially those requiring good hand - eye coordination. There's also a good chance you're a great dancer, or good at expressing yourself through body language.You learn best by doing, and you feel like you've always got to be moving (even if it's just your hands). You would make a good athlete, physical education teaches, dancer, actor, firefighter, or artisan.

Ahli bomba.. that's it lah.. :P

2004-12-22T02:55:00.000Z

Fallen

Pool seronok.
Kawan-kawan pon seronok.
Jalan-jalan sangat seronok.
Shopping memang seronok.
Bank account lagila seronok.

*sigh*

2004-12-11T22:28:00.000Z

Take Me Out

i just miss them
i miss 5sa1
i miss my Ada and Lina
i miss my Solihah
i miss my tuition classes
i miss my basketball with Ada on saturdays
i miss kuala terengganu
i miss my mee rebus
i miss nagging my sis
i miss the angsa
i miss the good-ol-days.

2004-12-09T15:47:00.000Z

(What's The Story) Morning Glory?

Doesn't matter, one thing for sure if I can't pursue chemical engineering, I will resort to chemistry.

I am so surprised that I actually had that feeling during my early weeks in IC. Remembering again how I just loathe teamwork, despise big-scale calculation, endless fight with groupmate and communicate by writing my words on paper because they kept misunderstanding my sentences due to my accent (duh!) and detest Greek letters (but not Greeks :P). Remembering how the only lectures that make my day is chemistry and properties of matter. Remembering how if only I am not sponsored, I am sure now studying at the Chemistry Building sitting quietly doing my work, with no one to argue with on whether to put that purge stream on this flow or not. Or whether to get the effluent discharged to the environment or back to the stream or not. Or to include the reboiler into the column or not. Only to worry about who will pay my tuition fees.

Remembrance. It should amuse me sometime in the future. There is pleasure in calm remembrance of a past sorrow.

2004-12-03T03:12:00.000Z

Spider-man

You tried so hard to be someone
That you forgot who you are
You tried to fill some emptiness
‘Til all you had spilled over
Now everything’s so far away
That you don’t know where you are, you are

When all that you wanted
And all that you had
Don’t seem so much
For you to hold on to
For you to belong to

When it’s hard to be yourself
It’s not to be someone else
Still everything’s so far away
That you forget where you are, you are

When all that you wanted
And all that you had
Don’t seem so much
For you to hold on to

2004-11-30T03:28:00.000Z

Bittersweet Symphony

haha, hari ni rase cam time skola rendah dulu. kene marah dalam library sebab guna mobile. i am convinced that that makcik was in a bad mood. my tutorialmates were exchanging contact numbers after our design project discussion, and suddenly she came and scolded us (yes scolded, like ur teacher scolded u coz u pissed in ur pants?) everyone in the library became spectators, but none dare to lift their head. and tak pasal2, got fined 1 pound. that is 7 ringgit man! we kept on insisting that we weren't causing any disturbance and it was purely exchanging numbers, but she kept on babbling about bla bla policies bla bla notices bla bla, and a few minutes later she actually came again and put the penny box in front of us for the 1pound fine! and scolded us again and argueing with one of my tutorialmate since he didn't have a pound with him, and threaten to keep his swipe card! poor makcik, she must really in a very bad mood. and my poor tutorial mate, he was furious since without the swipe card he can't enter his hall.. duuh. and they went to settle it outside the library (fuyooo), and i just wasted 1pound for that silly mobile phone.

lesson for today: do not underestimate a makcik with a very unpredictable mood. and switch off ur mobiles in the library. *sigh*

2004-11-26T18:40:00.000Z

Notty Notts 2

yea esok pegi Notts esok pegi Notts!

"Offence sells tickets, defence wins games"

2004-11-18T01:31:00.000Z

Megalomania

Dearest friend,

Are you having a problem? You got the position for a reason right, but seems like you feel challenged, or so I thought. It should be chanelled to a positive direction, try to improve each other. You can't even spot who's good at what and who's not, but you can always ask, but you didn't. I don't blame you, I was intimidated too while I was there, but alhamdulillah the experience improved me a lot, and it was not a waste at all. But humans, I can predict it is ego, but people can't have too much of it, some more unneccessarily. It just pulls you down. Quicksand. The more you think of it, the more you struggle. And when you struggle, you will definitely sink. And then, you'll need help. Please scream, if it doesn't hurt too much of your ego.

2004-11-13T00:15:00.000Z

Apocalypse Please

The most anticipated moment has arrived. The design feedback session. I was too anxious, until I have no feelings left. Until Alex said, "Why Aulfah, you look wooried.." He's the only foreigner who pronounces my name perfectly, as he said it sounds so German. heh.

And with the help from Allah, the feedback was a total surprise. We did, as Prof Richardson put it, "bloody well considering only 3 people working on it.." And that paper was my first A in IC. Nothing much some people might say, but thinking back on how I worry myself to death during those two excruciating weeks really made this result a total paid off.

There's a first in everything. My first failed paper. Fluid Mechanics Mastery paper. heh. I can either pass or fail the paper, with 80% passing mark, but I chose to key in wrong value for that question and nonchalantly round off that value for this question. And phooff... Well better to get a slap in the face now, so that I'll remember it forever.

And today I get another "I'm not Sir yet." from Alex. And Prof Richardson cheekily said "How about My Lord for him?" :P They are just irritatingly irresistable :)

Tonight, the night before Eid, I'm sleeping over at Beit Hall. The hall. With friends from Cardiff, Lancaster, we cooked pulut kuning, trifle, soto, nasi dagang, lompat tikam (or whatever it is :P),.. yeszaaaa... after a very long day.

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri pada semua. Maaf Zahir Batin. :)

2004-11-06T02:02:00.000Z

Somewhere Over The Rainbow

yea project submitted! Alhamdulillah. :)

Yesterday while walking with Shan back to Evelyn Gardens after iftar at PR, I uttered "shan, aku tetibe teringin nak makan chocolate la.." and that is the first one in London. I am lucky I am not that fond of chocolate, so I don't really buy them much. In fact, since the first day in UK, haven't spend a penny on any chocolate. Even the chocolate that Willis Jackson seniors gave us on our arrival day are still untouched, sitting there beside the room phone. But yesterday, chocolate craving suddenly overwhelmed. hmm.

Went to IC Union Shop couple of days ago, hoping to get a diary (imperative to get organized these days :P). Unfortunately, one diary which has Imperial College emblem on it (and also the cheapest of all) is out of stock. Went out empty handed. :(

Today, while iftar at the prayer's room, there was a big plate filled with cadbury's chocolates. And one sister from ISoc reminded us to pick up the free FOSIS Student Diary on our way out later.

I am so blessed. :)

2004-11-04T23:00:00.000Z

Times Like These

Tomorrow's the due date for the project. yea seksaanku hampir berakhir.

2004-11-02T02:03:00.000Z

Kapal Terbang Kertas

Tolonglah rakan-rakan setutorialku. Kenapa kau orang tak nak menyumbangkan idea? Bahasa Inggeris saya lagi hampeh tapi saya terus bercakap walaupun terkadang merepek.

Macam mana tugasan rekaan projek nak siap ni? :(

2004-10-31T21:47:00.000Z

They are just jealous.

They are just jealous of me. They filled my water bucket, almost until the top, but still I need to search somewhere else whenever I want to quench my thirst. That is just so unfair. They take away my space, and they addict me to caffein. They are just jealous of me.

They scrap away my mental chirpiness, and they bombarded me with symbols. It's all Greek to me, and they speak Greek like they are Greeks. They threaten me to complete, but they played if I am completed (whadda~~!).

Choice that I have is to deal with them. Because I chose them.

2004-10-28T16:55:00.000+01:00

The World Upon Your Shoulders

Busy busy. Hectic hectic. And life almost turned upside down. Lost track of oneself, and seems to crave for the most bizzare thing at the most bizzare times. pergh.

Please give me 48 hours per day?

2004-10-15T20:22:00.000+01:00

Cherry Lips

Have you ever felt that you received so much but felt like you didn't really deserved them all? Pure luck. Or God give it to me as a warning and test? Have you ever think of how many close calls you have in your life, but you still manage to escape through and almost forget that it never happened? Tried so hard to keep a note in mind, not to repeat it again, but it keep on happening and again, fortunately I'm still here. What's the use of all the warning if human keep on forgetting?

Today is 1st Ramadhan. Missing the warmth and comfort of home.

2004-10-14T11:47:00.000+01:00

Move On

Finally. phew.

Started classes this week. *pening pening*

2004-10-07T10:06:00.000+01:00

My Happy Ending

Finally arrived on the 1st of October! Went to Malaysia Hall, and to hall of residence the next day. Haven't got any mode of communication set up yet, either phone or internet (tell me about living in a cave). Done some 'campak campak' cooking, which is fortunately edible. Gotta go now, having this visit to Procter and Gamble factory (??)

I really missed you guys. Really really. Friends, keep in touch ok?

2004-09-26T15:54:00.000+01:00

Knockin' On Heaven's Door

Anxious. Anxiety. Today is 26th. Tomorrow is 27th. aa aa. tup tup, it's 30th! aa aa.

Today is my last day of class. huhu sedey plak. Second last words from him, "Awak takleh graduate lagi ni. Sila datang summer holidays tahun depan. :P"

Anyway lately there's been quite a number of road accidents involving students from my former school occured. Well if it hasn't been well known yet, roughly more than half of upper form students in my school drive their own vehicle to school be it car or motorbike, even the present headprefect drive his own car everyday.

I don't know if it is normal in west coast schools, but in my hometown, I have to say that this is rather unfamiliar, or maybe too advanced. Or maybe I was just been left behind these couple of years. Yes I am conservative at times, too used to sending off and picking up by parents for 11 years of my life. Anyway these luxury pampered to these students by their parents needs to be constantly monitored and precautions are certainly imperative.

A news of my sister's friend being hit by a motorcyclist after her netball practice really shocked me. Passing by the school, I can still see her white school shoes left on the road divider. And she suffered from a deformity with her face, while the motorcyclist died in that accident. How life can be lost in a blink of an eye.

And life can be change with a split second of sane thoughts of how we are deeply loved by those around us. :)

2004-09-23T12:30:00.000+01:00

When I Come Around

Different people have different views of what's different. Different from normal, different from what they think is normal. Lately, I enjoyed being abnormally different. It felt good, and expands the horizons. People perceive you from how you dress yourself, what you usually do, what you have done, those who hang out with you, how you behave (sometimes act) in front of others, what you say (instead of what they really mean). Humans, we believe in 'what you see is what you get'. But in times people get too lazy to go beyond that, and too dumb have faith in people. That's what I did sometimes, and I can say I regretted it most of the time.

Have faith in people. Too idealistic? Well that's where the common sense comes in.

And I can't change how others see me. And I can't stay hidden just because others expect different things from me.

Anyway, I am still looking for those who will make an effort to go beyond what's visible.

2004-09-20T05:41:00.000+01:00

Stockholm Syndrome

Sape lagi dapat Willis Jackson, Evelyn Gardens ?!!

:) I brought rice cooker already tau.... You guys go buy something else :P

2004-09-19T11:26:00.000+01:00

Citizen Erased

Yesterday was very tiring, and today has been very baffling. I was sooo off-formed during class! Bila Mama Pakai Celana pon takleh buat! Guess I was too tired, and rather distracted. Each passing day is becoming shorter and shorter, eventhough I wake up very early every morning (^^) Adding up to my homework from IC that hasn't been touched yet is some umh, assignment that I have to study. (some of us hear it, some of us listen to it, some of us make it, some of us study it).

Oh yes, yesterday. Tiring, but I guess it's worth it :P After a quite some time since my family had a very productive gathering. And got to know a piece of info which really choked me almost to death. What a small, small world we live in.

Almost 10 days to go before going off. Mixed feelings. :)

2004-09-17T17:27:00.000+01:00

Sing For Absolution

More and more people leaving. sob sob.

And tomorrow, I'll be very busy.

And my class. Yea, now working on 'Time Is Running Out'. I'm sooo left-brained, really have to struggle on my right one. But I am REALLY enjoying them, it feels sooo good! Even at times when I felt like an idiot, or simply a very confused, blurry girl who can't do better except for posing silly smiles. And oh, stamina. Each class equals to half of my evening evercise.

And Imperial College. yeh yeh, I'll be living in Chelsea for the next 8 months. yeh yeh.

Life can be pretty ironic sometimes.

2004-09-11T09:32:00.000+01:00

Get What You Need

Just went back form KL. For the millionth time, I felt like things can't just be completed. I am blabbing but nevermind. Too many things happened with almost no time to record them in my blog. First thing first. Orientation in PERMATA, Bangi. 80 scholars, all chirpy and positive and overly-pampered :p. PERMATA was a luxury, and really made me fondly miss KMYS. Yep, KMYS, I don't really approve of KYUEM (suke ati aku je haha :P) Basketball in the evenings, and one session of challenging badminton match with surprisingly agile, skillful*ahem* adult. The orientation ended with a closing ceremony where we had to perform according to colleges (and the objective of the camp was to enhance cooperation and networking among scholars. hmm.) Ours? Reasonably KMYS-ish. hehe. And I was the soundman. or girl. watever.

woops, have to send my sis to her tuition class. later dear diary.

2004-09-02T13:38:00.000+01:00

Get Born

Take my photo off the wall
If it just won't sing for you
'Cause all that's left has gone away
And there's nothing there for you to prove

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Give me back my point of view
'Cause I just can't think for you
I can hardly hear you say
What should I do, well you choose

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won

I want Jet! I want Jet! I want Jet!!!

2004-08-27T09:36:00.000+01:00

Will be back on th 1st :)

2004-08-12T18:00:00.000+01:00

Blame It On The Weatherman

no one can blame me if i caused my sis permanent deaf.
no one can blame me if i smashed the tv.
no one can blame me if i jumped as if i escaped gravitational pull.
no one can blame me if i got the sunglass that i wanted for so long.
no one can blame me if my mum actually offered to buy me mp3 player.
no one can blame me if i actually refused. (!!)

no one can blame me if i get the best birthday present this year.
and to bob, hope you get yours too.
the best friday the 13th.
happy birthday to us. :)

2004-08-09T13:08:00.000+01:00

Look At What You Have Done

Butterflies in stomach. Racing hearts. Cold hands. aaa. Cuak cuak. Should I or should I not? A call from a dear chaletmate (P25D :p) change my mood into anxiety. It doesn't feel like how I felt while getting my SPM result. Should I or should I not? Self-doubt about my capacity to cope with it.

Totally 'thrilling'.

2004-08-04T10:20:00.000+01:00

Assalamualaikum kawan-kawan.

Jangan excited sangat ye. Sabar separuh dari iman.
Mengutuk pun tak baik tau. Bawa-bawa bertaubat.

ahak ahak :P

2004-08-01T20:49:00.000+01:00

Snow Dogs

Assalamualaikum kawan-kawan.

Semalam saya pegi jumpa dentist. hehehe.

Seronok. hehehe. ;D

2004-07-26T18:52:00.000+01:00

Macy's Day Parade

Today is the day I feel like how I felt when my mum tought me how to cycle. The better part might be, I didn't just fell and got hurt, I got extremely embarrased too. And tired and nervous, my right leg couldn't stop trembling.

Right leg trembling? Last thing I would want to happen when I'm in that class. Fortunately my teacher who happens to be my senior back in school is surprisingly kind, as I was expecting that short-tempered type of guy who just go crazy when I got it off beat. He kept on saying "It's OK, that's how you learn, I was worst during my first time." Well well, another produk berjaya from my school maybe :) Alhamdulillah!

My fotopages will go low-profile now since I left my digicam in KL, in which I nearly fainted when I realized that. Hopefully it'll be safely retrieved by a helpful friend in Kajang, you know who you are ;)

Anyway, one thing for sure, I'll be soooo full of Hoobastank - The Reason from now on. heh. (Don't speculate, it's more innocent than you think.)

2004-07-16T10:40:00.000+01:00

Ride On Time

After sending my sister off to her motivational camp, I nonchalantly uttered to Ibu, "Jom kita pegi cari kain baju kurung!" So off we went. While walking, my youngest sis saw a flyer pasted on one of the pillars of the building nearby. ***** *** **sixties studio **** **** (no need to know heh). Yay! Been searching for it for quite some time, been dissapointed twice, and now it is in front of me. And it is just across the road from my former school. (no need to know heh) Not like before, at the very least likely place where my dad would let me to go. Something I really want to do since ages ago, but never had the time, chance, and probably courage to attempt it. And no' it is not a job. Hope this time it'll went on fine. I don't really have much time left anyway. It is just lately I have been injected with this new spirit to try everything, well things I really want to do but never really did. (no need to know heh)

Off to KL again for the college predeparture programme. hmm.

2004-07-10T17:21:00.000+01:00

Away From The Sun

BTN - done.
:) Many ppl said its a 'brainwashing' camp, but I don't think so. Mentally exhausting, probably. Meeting up old friends and making new friends were so much fun! Getting to know ppl going to the same uni, having the same interest, or totally different individuals having the same dream, or totally similar minded yet so far away.

Now the JPA scholars of KYUEM are in Kem Bumi Jati, Klang for their BTN. Keep on receiving SMS from Sin, worrying about the physical activities or simply dead bored of the activities. Well, nothing to worry, we've been through worst.

Coming up - College Predeparture, PETRONAS Predeparture. huk huk.

2004-06-22T10:33:00.000+01:00

White Flag

honey I'm home!
The Awards Day went on very smoothly and congrats to Sinyi, Black, Mas, Phey Ming, Wilson, ah well... everyone! I am starting to miss college already!

BTN starting on 1st to 5th July, so now I don't know whether I can still attend the Pre-Dept Programme starting on the 5th. hmm hmm.

I might have 3 months of holiday, but now it is starting to appear too short. Somebody please suggest me what to do.

2004-06-16T12:42:00.000+01:00

Wouldn't It Be Nice

Insya-Allah means, literally, by Allah's willing.
But to some people, it means "I'll think about it."
To some other people, it simply means, "haha no way Jose".

That's why I kept on finding reasons why it happened. You can't be doing that on purpose. You said you'll do it by Allah's willing. You would try to make it happen unless there's earthquake or your room collapse or your head explode. Maybe your head explode. There I go, finding reasons. I can't bring myself to have bad feelings towards you.

There's no second chance to a lasting impression.

College dinner is over, Student dinner is over, netball srs-jrs friendly is over. Coming soon, college play, awards day. Counting the days left in KYUEM.

2004-06-14T11:38:00.000+01:00

A Rush Of Blood To The Head

The more you try, the more they drifted away.
The more you struggle, the more you hurt.
Whichever ways, you are the loser.

The more I'm occupied, the more I feel empty.
The more I have, the less I appreciate.
Whichever ways, I am losing.

To be alone is to be different, to be different is to be alone.
Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for, great enough to die for.

2004-06-11T12:14:00.000+01:00

Strange Magic

Pic pic pic!!

I just love pictures...

2004-06-09T05:47:00.000+01:00

Somewhere Over The Rainbow

yea paper dah habis!

nak buat apa ye? hmmm..

The paper was OK, but who cares, A Level is over!! :D

2004-06-08T13:47:00.000+01:00

See You Soon

12 hrs to go. Phase Equilibria and Transition Elements. Like my 'junior' in Southampton said, 'persevere ufah!! YOU CAN DO IT!'

Tonight, can't really do much. Ksp value exceeded. *sigh*

2004-06-05T02:40:00.000+01:00

Possibility

Have you ever had a feeling of relief and grateful after been carrying a burden alone and it suddenly being lifted?

You just want to get things done, quickly, but there are things which are simply out of your control. You've done your part, but it simply can't work. Not your fault, but you can't live life peacefully until it's settled. Perfectionist? Nope, just want to finish the unfinished bussiness.

Patience is a virtue. Always pray that Allah makes it easy for us, and God's willing it will be.

And the best part, it was lifted at the nick of time. Which makes my relief, the extreme one.

2004-06-03T06:16:00.000+01:00

Out Of Reach

Help
Help me to find
Help me to overcome
Help me to rationalise

looking when i'm on board. the reason, is to catch the glimpse of the farthest brightest star. eventhough just a glance, my definition became truer. after all, it's mine, not theirs, not anyone.
simply out of reach, not known the value. it may be, it may not. erased, resurfaced, erased, resurfaced. baffling. pray harder.
am i worth it, is it worth it?

Anyone who can decipher this is simply miracle. Otherwise just ignore me. :)

2004-06-02T03:42:00.000+01:00

It's About Time

When I flip through the Mathematics Paper 3 Pure Mathematics 3 (P3) question paper and saw no differential equation question, I just felt like jumping in the Great Hall at that very moment.

yea, P3 is now over. Which marks the end of all 'hardcore' papers. Left being practicals and chems option. heh, chems option. I can start drilling on you now.

Sneezing quite frantically while doing the paper just now was expected. My nose always 'run' at the very unlikely times. I guess it compensated with having no differential equation question :D

Way to go Kleenex!

2004-05-30T10:51:00.000+01:00

Unintended

How interesting a day can be.

I was about to break my record before leaving the college by jogging VOLUNTARILY around Lembah Beringin. (Well it had always been due to military purposes - Heart Awareness Week, Marathon, Merentas Desa yada yada. Running is so not me.)

And it rains. Cats and dogs and kittens and everything.

heh *drenched*. So there's my record. *grin*

2004-05-30T06:24:00.000+01:00

You Only Live Twice

There will be some time when I'll be extremely sensitive. A sudden sulk from any dear friend can kept me thinking, "What have I done?". So volatile, yes. There'll be some time when I just don't care about people and loudly express the critical part of me. Thank God that'll only happen when I'm with the right people.

Well today, I guess the sensitive part of me made its appearance.

Enough of the mushy-mushy.

Papers left - 4!! gosh, how time flies. The remaining battle will be Maths P3, Chemistry option, Physics and Chems practicals. P3 will be in 4 days time, but I already started on my Phase Equilibria and Transition Element. Huhu, can't help it, I am just sooo can't wait to study Chemistry. As if P3 dah hustler. nyeh nyeh.

Why am I so obsessed with Chemistry? haha I get that a lot during high school. Ibu said maybe its due to her kept on writing chemical equation while having me during pregnancy. Doesn't matter, one thing for sure if I can't pursue chemical engineering, I will resort to chemistry.

It is the central science. No matter what the physicist says.

2004-05-25T04:55:00.000+01:00

Play Dead

Physics option paper.
:'(

Nevermind, there are still other papers. I'll get what I deserve. Hope I deserve something good.

Latest addiction : 'lagu-lagu pelik'. Bjork, Portishead.

A reminder from fellow tuteemate - 'Ufah, esok ada tutorial lunch, 12.15pm.' uh huh, better be prepared with explaination regarding the papers. :P

Looking forward to Chemistry. Now there's something I will truly enjoy during these stressful weeks.

2004-05-17T10:52:00.000+01:00

Karma

Physics paper 1 and 4 in one stretch. Both papers went relatively well. Such a sad thing for paper 4, 1 year's effort of studying A2 syllabus determined in 1 hour paper. I enjoy learning A2 physics very much but 1 hour, that's it.

Tomorrow's paper, physics practical. Hope history won't repeat itself, pls.

Anyway, welcoming a new fellow blogger, Gillian! :D

2004-05-14T03:38:00.000+01:00

Gratitude

Due to my previous post, I received a number of responds from my friends. Thanks you guys, thank you for just simply responding. It did help much actually. Really.

Looking back at it, I might have been too emotional that time. (Exam stress? Probably. :)) But then, we're human and if we're not at least, somehow, sometimes, act unpredictably or emotionally, then it sounds like there's no worth having emotion at all. Then again, here comes the yin and yang. Do it accordingly laa rite. jgn emo sgt :P (like me? once in a blue moon kut. i think. u think?)

1st A Level paper in 75 hrs.
All the best to everyone :D

2004-05-12T16:51:00.000+01:00

Here Is Gone

So pissed off.
One rotten apple spoils the whole basket.

chalet ***** : 'kg seberang taklim' .. times 50 mass messages.

I mean, what the hell?? Niat dah baik nak buat taklim tapi gaya buruk dan memalukan diri sendiri. Occupied chalets in kg sbrg are only like... maximum 6? My statistics sux but I am sure it's not that many so I believe it doesn't hurt to privately msg each one of them.

I mass messaged : 'sakit ke. jgn memalukan diri sendiri pls'
and they have the gut to reply me back : 'pls memalukan komputer chalet...'

and again, what the hell? so childish.
Or am I being childish?

So let's play childish. I replied : 'human yg trigger those action pls'
***** : 'pnah main game chrono trigger kat psx ke?'

OK that's it.

I admit I do not have the sufficient capabilities or religious knowledge that I can conduct taklim or at least apprise them. But I do know, that people who are purely sincere in doing any good deeds will not publicly announce it to the whole world. At least, not the whole college. Oh, maybe they need to maintain a high profile. Maybe they really crave for publicity. I don't know. I just can't comprehend.

I would like to reinforce my point. One rotten apple spoils the whole basket. Reputation matters. Sekian, terima kasih.

2004-05-11T11:18:00.000+01:00

Superheroes

Last month, a worldwide survey was conducted by
the UN. The only question asked was: "Would you
please give your honest opinion about solutions to
the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a huge failure.

In Africa, they didn't know what "food" meant. In
Eastern Europe, they didn't know what "honest"
meant and in Western Europe, they didn't know what
"shortage" meant.

In China, they didn't know what "opinion" meant
while in the Middle East, they didn't know what
"solution" meant.

In South America they didn't know what "please"
meant and in the USA, they didn't know what "the
rest of the world" meant.

*sigh*

2004-05-06T09:53:00.000+01:00

Creep

I've successfully donated blood today!

350 cc, unlike 150 last year due to thrombosis.

At least now I have the feeling that I've done something for the community (hek?). After all, it's the thought that matters right? :D

And surprise surprise. Realized that I lost 2kg while weighing during the blood donating process. But those couple kilos will get easily pound back in since I have too many free blocks nowadays. The evil side of free blocks.

2004-05-05T07:47:00.000+01:00

Talk Shows On Mute

Every Wednesday is the tutorial lunch day with Dr Foord. As usual, I'll be sitting among other 8 macho guys which happens to be my tuteemates, with me being the only female engineer among the bunch. Some girls said "wah ufah, bestnye sorang2 je pompuan !" (??huh??), while some other asked me "tak conscious ke ufah, sorang2 je..?" well, if it is 3 years ago I might be rather cuak to the max, but it seems that I've change relatively a lot in the past couple years.

It used to be taking the longest route to the toilet because I didn't want to pass by the 'kelas kejuruteraan' in my school, where the guys like to hang out along the corridor. (cuak? I just felt ridiculously timid to be among them in whom I was not very well acquinted with). Easy to say, penakut. :P

Now. Soon-to-be an engineering student, that will be the last thing that I should worry about. Nevertheless, going to a lecture where I might be one girl among 10 girls in the hall among 200 students, cuak should be inconsequential. So I'm no longer penakut. I hope :D

Back to the tutorial lunch. I proposed to Dr Foord to bring us to the Nobel Prize Centennial Exhibition in National Science Centre after our A Level papers. It is a so-called travelling exhibition and Malaysia is one of the 3 Asia countries chosen for this, and the only one in South East Asia region. Their last stop will be in London 2006. Why wait until 2006 to go to London if they are already here? :D

2004-05-03T10:17:00.000+01:00

Jauh

1st paper in 15 days time.

It's a blessing to have this 4 days holiday just 2 weeks before A Level. It gives me a reason to relax for a while and vows that after this, it'll be all work.

Lately there's been reports on NS trainers assaulting NS trainees. It really affect the society (especially parents and guardians) perspective and trust on the programme. There were statement made by the council that they'll charge the teenagers who refused to join the NS programme, yet they can't guarantee the safety of the participants. Eventhough the incident can be classified as isolated case, but human nature, that will be the one highlighted in the mass media. I am sure there are lots of other benefits and change that are managed to be achieved during the programme, but it all regrettably dissolved due to these immoral act of those who does not deserve to be the role model of these future leaders.

Won't be updating my blog frequently after this. People say a picture worth a thousand words. I love pictures. So my photopages will replace those lost words. :)

2004-04-26T01:55:00.000+01:00

Melted

So I've completed the whole series of Takeshi Kaneshiro's 'God! Please Give Me More Time'. As if he's the only one praying for that :P The series was released way back when I was still in school, 1998 if I'm not mistaken. I went to look for the CDs but failed, since it was a new series. It's a story about a lonely, pessimist and rather hopeless musician, Keigo Ishikawa who fall in love with a bubbly high school girl, Masaki (Kyoko Fukada), who was HIV positive due to a one night stand, to get instant cash so that she can attend Keigo's concert. The story mainly revolved around Masaki fighting for her life and how she was despised by the community because of her illness.

The director's aim was to create awareness about how people like Masaki were treated in the real world. Initially the production of this series faced some problem due to no one's willing to take Keigo and Masaki's role. Kaneshiro, being a somewhat 'weird' actor agreed to do it, and Fukada was a very fresh new actress during that time. I read a little about Kaneshiro and found out that his childhood life was more or less similar to Keigo's. Being a child of Taiwanese and Japanese parents had made difficult for him to fit in his Japanese school where he was bullied, and felt like an outsider among his Taiwanese neighbourhood. He later resorted to international school.

Anyway, I learnt that it it's not how much time you have, but how you spent it and with who you spent it. So do not ask for more time, ask for more precious time.

2004-04-23T06:06:00.000+01:00

Time is running out

Got up rather late, got locked out when I left my keys in the room, nearly got scolded, a friendly netball match this evening with only one REAL training yesterday. One week in college seems like a month. *sigh*

My latest obsession - 'God Please Give Me More Time'.

:) 1st paper in less than 3 weeks time.

2004-04-18T12:54:00.000+01:00

Mourn

Atuk has peacefully passed away today at 11am. So it was true, he really waited for my sis.

Anyway, so little words, which means I've updated my fotopages. 3 entries on recent Housetrip to Cherating.

Stories.. under construction (???)

2004-04-17T16:01:00.000+01:00

Chirp chirp

Went to see my dentist today. We've came to an agreement to rebond my braces early this August (I pleaded for this June before Awards Day but she refused. My people skill might need some improvement *sigh*) But still, I am rather excited. phew, time flew, it has already been around 2 years of ufah si bergigi besi :P

Yesterday ayah went to KL. My sister's pengasuh (nanny?) was in critical condition in Pantai Medical Centre. He was diagnosed for liver cancer, and even after surgery his condition didn't really improved and now the cancerous cell has spreaded to the other vital organs. At first my sis didn't want to follow my dad because she couldn't bear to see her 'Atuk' in pain and wires. However, when Atuk opened his eyes and saw my dad, he called for my sis, and of course, she wasn't there. He broke into tears. Ayah decided to get my sis to KL to see her Atuk. So today I drove ibu and her to the airport and prayed there were still tickets left. Luckily tickets were still available, and we straight away book tonight's flight for 3 of them back to Trg. They look exhausted. Furthermore, my sis still needs to attend school tomorrow. Pity her.

And tomorrow I am flying back to KL. KYUEM here I come...

and oh.. introducing another 2 new bloggers, (drumroll pls) Azmir and Adilla! :)

2004-04-13T18:04:00.000+01:00

24hrs

How long is 24hrs?

Very long, especially when SATU decides to CATU the water supply around my housing area. Reason? Nak cuci paip.

aaaaa

2004-04-11T19:27:00.000+01:00

Bloggers

Welcome 2 new bloggers... Azizul a.k.a. Acad (takuya?) and Ijoy !! hihihi

2004-04-10T14:24:00.000+01:00

Homey lomey domey :D

Home sweet home!
I already planned that for this 2 weeks holiday, the first week is for bermalas malasan dan bermakanan bermelampauan and computer and internet and CDs and shopping and etc etc...

Next week the real work begins.

A chat with a friend just made me realize something. How my life have turned very mundane, extremely mundane lately. Some of them still continue their dying interest in anime, japanese drama series, football, manga, the list goes on. When I was asked the question, "dah tu kau layan apa?" I went like, uh huh.. I'm supposed to layan something? geez, I've turned into a complete plain canvas. No colour or pattern to differentiate me. Maybe not differentiate, but just to integrate me into some group or anything normal that normal teenagers do.

Now I'm starting to sound like a total geek. At least I thought I was once. It was just that Malaysian environment is not as mean as ones in western countries.

Come to think of it, people come from different areas and interest and background, and it happens that my interest do not really comply to the 'in' thing for my fellow collegemate. I have my interest, and they all are rather different. So I am not a geek, I am just different. *heee*

Anyway my photopages haven't been updated with the latest Housetrip pics. I just can't bear dialup. Maybe I am too pampered with broadband.

Oh, about the housetrip. Maybe in the next entry. I'm still recovering from it.

2004-04-02T19:12:00.000+01:00

Cherating here I come!!!

yea.. a very long and tense half semester has already come to an end, and it ends in Cherating! will be leaving this afternoon, so I'm gonna miss my blog! Till another 3 or 4 days... taa! :D